Who Should Choose Your Life Partner—You or Your Parents?

Recently, during a seminar that my wife and I were leading, a participant asked, "Should I or my parents choose my life partner?" This question—essentially asking, Who decides who I should marry?—is a common dilemma. The natural response might be to say, the person getting married should have the freedom to choose, as they are the ones who must live with the decision for the rest of their life. After all, if parents or others make the choice, any future marital problems could lead to blame and resentment. This reasoning seems logical, doesn’t it?

Today, many define marriage based on personal preferences, convenience, and worldly understanding. The common approach is to spend time with a potential partner, analysing their compatibility in every possible way before marriage. While getting to know your partner beforehand can have its advantages, let us not forget an important truth: Marriage was not created by man—it is God’s idea.

In Genesis 2:18-24, we see the foundation of marriage. God Himself said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). He created both male and female, bringing them together to complement each other and fulfill His purposes. God is not only the Creator of human beings but also the Designer of marriage. If marriage is His institution, wouldn’t it make sense to allow Him to guide us in choosing our partner? My one-word response to the question, "Should I or my parents choose my partner?" would be "neither"; let God, the institutor of marriage, decide the right partner for you.

This brings us to the question: How do I know if my partner is chosen by God?

The answer lies in your relationship with God. God’s guidance is deeply personal, tailored to your walk with Him. If you are spending time with Him regularly, seeking His will, and maintaining a friendship with your Creator, you will recognise His voice when He speaks to your heart. Jesus says, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me” (John 10:27).

For some, God might provide clarity through prayer and peace in their heart. For others, He might use wise counsel, life circumstances, or even Scripture to affirm His choice. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

This doesn’t mean that your parents’ role is insignificant. Parents often have valuable insights and a wealth of life experience. Ephesians 6:1-2 encourages children to honor their parents, and their wisdom can be a part of God’s guidance. However, the final decision should be made prayerfully, seeking God’s approval above all else.

On the other hand, deciding on your own based purely on emotions or personal desires can be risky. “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12). Trusting God’s wisdom ensures that you are not relying solely on your limited understanding.

So instead of asking, Should I or my parents choose my life partner? the better question is, Will I let my Creator choose the right partner for me? When God leads, He does so with love and purpose, aligning the marriage to fulfill His plans for both individuals involved.

Marriage is more than just companionship; it is a sacred covenant. Let us honor the One who instituted it by trusting Him in this significant decision. After all, “Every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17), and that includes the gift of a life partner.