Keeping Romance Alive in Marriage

My wife and I got engaged about a year before we got married. Though we were in different countries during this period, our love thrived over the phone—I eagerly awaited her calls, and every conversation was precious. Now, after nearly nineteen years of marriage and three wonderful children, my love for her has only deepened. She is an amazing woman, and we continue to find ways to nurture our romance.

Many couples start their journey with deep affection and excitement, but over the years, the pressures of life—work, responsibilities, ministry, children, and relationships—begin to take priority, pushing romance to the background. However, romance was not meant to fade with time; it is an essential part of marriage that needs to be intentionally cultivated.

Romance in Marriage: God's Design

Cambridge Dictionary defines romance as "the feelings and behaviour of two people who are in a loving and sexual relationship with each other." God, the author of marriage, intentionally embedded romance into it for a good purpose. Do not think God made a mistake in bringing a romantic relationship into marriage. The Bible is not silent on romantic love. The entire book of Song of Songs is a beautiful depiction of love and desire between a husband and wife, showing that God delights in this aspect of marriage.

The depth and mystery of romantic love reflect God’s nature. He is a relational God—within the Trinity and in His relationship with His people. Just as Christ's love for the Church is passionate and sacrificial (Ephesians 5:25), so should be the love between a husband and wife.

Why Does Romance Fade?

As years go by, many couples experience a decline in their romantic connection. Here are some common reasons:

1. Busy schedules – Careers, household responsibilities, and even ministry can consume all available energy, leaving little time for each other.

2. Parenting pressures – Raising children is a blessing, but it can become all-consuming, leaving little space for romance.

3. Familiarity and routine – The excitement of the early days is replaced by a predictable rhythm, which, if not nurtured, can lead to complacency.

4. Neglecting emotional connection – Over time, some couples stop sharing their hearts, reducing communication to just logistical conversations.

5. Lack of intentional effort – Romance requires intentionality. Without effort, it can fade naturally.

However, God designed romance in marriage to be a lifelong experience, not just a passing phase.

The Danger of Neglecting Romance

If a husband and wife do not maintain their romantic connection, the risk of looking for emotional or physical fulfillment elsewhere increases. Many extramarital affairs begin not because of a lack of love, but because one spouse feels emotionally or physically neglected. Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages couples:

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love."

God desires that we remain captivated by our spouse’s love throughout our marriage.

Keeping Romance Alive

1. Read the Song of Songs Together

Take time as a couple to read and reflect on Song of Songs. This book is not just a poetic love story but also a reminder of God’s design for marital love. It teaches us that romance is not just about physical attraction but also about deep emotional and spiritual intimacy.

2. Present Yourself Lovingly to Your Spouse

Always strive to be attractive and pleasant for your spouse. This does not mean conforming to society’s beauty standards, but rather, making an effort to be well-groomed and presentable. At the same time, be careful not to dress or present yourself in a way that invites unnecessary attention from others.

3. Protect Your Purity Before and During Marriage

For those who are unmarried, guard your heart and wait on God’s timing for romance. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Not every friendship is romantic, and it is important to seek God's guidance in finding the right life partner.

For those who have lost their spouse, remarriage is an option if the Lord leads. However, whether married or single, every individual must nurture their romance with the Lord.

Practical Ways to Enhance Romance

Building romance in marriage requires intentional actions. Here are some practical steps to rekindle and sustain romantic love:

1. Set Aside Quality Time for Each Other

Make it a priority to spend uninterrupted time together. Some simple ways to do this include:

• Coffee dates – Have a time set apart just for the two of you to talk and share your hearts.

• Couple getaways – Even a short trip without the children can refresh your relationship. Involve your children by explaining that this strengthens your marriage and rewards them for their understanding.

2. Nurture Emotional Intimacy

• Have bedtime conversations – Take a few minutes each night to talk about your day and share your thoughts before sleeping.

• Listen to each other – Give your spouse undivided attention when they speak. Sometimes, a listening ear means more than spoken words.

3. Create a Romantic Atmosphere at Home

• Have a well-arranged bedroom – Your bedroom should be a haven for both of you, free from distractions.

• Encourage children to sleep in their own rooms – While children need love and security, couples should also have their private space.

4. Keep Physical Intimacy Alive

Physical touch is an important part of marriage. Small gestures like holding hands, hugs, and kisses throughout the day keep the connection strong. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 teaches that spouses should not withhold intimacy from each other but should nurture their physical relationship in mutual love and respect.

5. Be Attractive to Your Spouse

• Dress neatly and pleasantly, especially at home and before bedtime.

• Show love through small gestures – Surprise your spouse with a love note, an unexpected hug, or their favourite meal.

6. Reduce Distractions and Prioritise Each Other

• Limit screen time – Reduce time spent on phones and social media, especially when together.

• Make eye contact and engage in meaningful conversations.

A Love That Grows Over Time

Marriage is not meant to be a duty but a joyful companionship. Romance should not fade as the years go by; rather, it should grow deeper and more beautiful. Proverbs 31:10-11 describes a virtuous wife whose husband "has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." This kind of trust and intimacy is built over time through consistent love and care.

Whether you are newly married or have been together for decades, the key to lasting romance is intentionality. Keep pursuing your spouse, prioritising each other, and enjoying the love God has given you.

At the end of our lives, we won’t remember how many hours we worked, but we will cherish the moments spent in love with our spouse. Let’s make those moments count.

Marriage is God’s gift. Nurture it. Cherish it. And never stop romancing the one you vowed to love forever.