Winning the World, Losing Home

Author: Binny Abraham, PhD

He was a great leader, admired and respected. Every ministry he touched flourished. Yet, behind the applause, his wife and children felt a deep void. His wife, always supportive, longed for more than just a provider who came and went. His children, though privileged, grew up without a father’s embrace. At birthdays and school events, they waited, but he never came. Over time, admiration turned into quiet resentment.

When asked about their father, they would say, “Oh, he was a great leader, but we never really knew him.” His wife would add, “He was strong and capable, but ministry was his first love. I was just the woman who managed his home.” And so, while the world praised him, his family bore a different testimony. He had won the world—but lost his own home.

Balancing Ministry and Family

Many Christian leaders—pastors, missionaries, and ministry workers—struggle to balance their calling with their responsibilities at home. Ministry often takes priority, leaving family and parenting neglected.

Some children of Christian workers grow up in boarding schools, feeling disconnected from their parents. Others wrestle with financial insecurity, hearing statements like, “We are Christian workers and are not paid like other professionals.” Such words can shape their views negatively:

• God does not provide enough for those who serve him.

• It is not worth becoming a Christian worker because they are always underpaid.

Christian workers in remote locations often struggle to provide quality education for their children. If children are not taught a biblical perspective on contentment and provision, they may grow up resenting the sacrifices their parents made for ministry.

Prioritising Family in Daily Life

It is easy to assume that love for family is expressed through provision, but love is best shown through time and presence. A father’s embrace, a mother’s listening ear, and shared experiences as a family shape children more than any material comfort.

1. Intentionally Plan Family Activities

A simple step to strengthen family bonds is planning activities together daily and weekly:

• Play a game as a family

• Cook a meal together and eat together

• Discuss and argue on a Bible passage together

• Reduce screen time to engage in meaningful conversations

These small moments create lasting memories. They also communicate to children that they are valued, not just secondary to ministry work. “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). Every moment with our children is precious—use it wisely.

2. Teach the Right Perspective on Life and Wealth

Children need to understand why their parents serve God. They should not just see the struggles of ministry but also the joy of it. We must:

• Teach contentment – “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12). Children should know that true security comes from trusting God, not wealth.

• Model a biblical view of wealth – “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth... but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:19-20). While financial stability is important, eternal treasures matter more.

• Show that family is a priority – “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?” (1 Timothy 3:5). Children should see that their parents prioritise their marriage and family, not just ministry work.

Parenting with Intentionality

Christian leaders face family struggles just like anyone else. Here’s how to lead your family well:

1. Regular Family Assessments

Take time to check in with your family. Are your children feeling neglected? Is your spouse emotionally distant? Honest conversations prevent small issues from growing into deep wounds.

2. Address Issues Before They Escalate

Unresolved struggles do not disappear with time—they get worse. Proverbs 27:23 says, “Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.” If this applies to livestock, how much more should we care for our own family?

3. Seek Help When Needed

Many leaders hesitate to seek help for marriage or family struggles, assuming they should have it all figured out. But Proverbs 11:14 states, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.” Seeking counsel is not weakness—it is wisdom.

4. Beware of Hidden Struggles

Even Christian leaders are not immune to temptations. Many struggle privately with:

• Extramarital affairs – What starts as harmless conversations can lead to emotional or physical unfaithfulness.

• Pornography addiction – A silent battle that many face in secrecy and shame.

• Marital challenges – Every couple has struggles that need intentional resolution.

Ignoring these struggles won’t make them disappear. Bringing them into the light leads to healing and restoration.

A Lasting Legacy

At the end of life, ministry success will not matter as much as the legacy we leave at home. Our children will not remember how many sermons we preached or how many mission projects we led. They will remember whether we were present, loving, and intentional parents.

Jesus himself balanced ministry and relationships. He ministered to crowds but also spent deep, personal time with his Father. As leaders, we must do the same—ensuring our greatest ministry begins at home.

Reflect on This:

• Does your family feel more important to you than your ministry?

• Do your children see joy in serving God, or do they only see sacrifices?

• Have you been emotionally and spiritually present in their lives?

The world may celebrate your achievements, but if your family feels neglected, is it truly worth it? Winning the world should never come at the cost of losing your home.

Ministry is important. But your first calling is to your family. Love them. Be present. Because in the end, they are your greatest ministry.