"One Thing" and "Many Things": Priorities in Marriage and Family

Author: Binny Abraham, PhD

A professor once demonstrated the importance of priorities using a jar, stones, pebbles, and sand. He filled the jar with large rocks, representing life’s most important aspects like relationships, health, and values. He then added pebbles, symbolising secondary priorities, and finally poured in sand, representing trivial distractions. The jar was full. However, when he started with sand or pebbles, the large stones could no longer fit. He explained that focusing on the essentials first allows everything else to fall into place, but prioritising the trivial leaves no room for what truly matters (watch the demonstration at the bottom of this article).

In the Bible, Jesus highlights a profound contrast between the "one thing" that is necessary and "all these things" that often consume our attention. This contrast carries significant implications for every aspect of life, including marriage and family. By understanding the eternal significance of the "one thing" and the temporal nature of "all these things," we gain a perspective that can transform relationships and set our priorities straight.

The Biblical Contrast: "One Thing" vs. "All These Things"

In Luke 10:42, Jesus tells Martha, "but one thing is needed." Mary had chosen to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to His teaching, focusing on the eternal, while Martha was distracted by the many details of serving. Similarly, in Matthew 6:33, Jesus assures His followers that if they “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,” then “all these things”—earthly necessities like food, drink, and clothing—will be provided as well. These verses encapsulate a key principle: when the eternal is prioritised, the temporal falls into place.

The "one thing" refers to the eternal, heavenly priorities: knowing God, loving Him, and aligning one’s life with His purposes. In contrast, "all these things" represent the temporal, earthly concerns—necessary, but secondary to the pursuit of God. The application of this principle to marriage and family can profoundly impact the health and harmony of these relationships.

The Eternal "One Thing" in Marriage and Family

In the context of marriage and family, the "one thing" is placing God at the centre of the relationship. A marriage built on Christ is likened to a house built on a rock (Matthew 7:24-25), unshaken by the storms of life. This involves:

1. Seeking God Together
   When a husband and wife prioritise their relationship with God through prayer, Scripture reading, and worship, they draw closer to each other. Ecclesiastes 4:12 illustrates this truth with the imagery of a cord of three strands: husband, wife, and God intertwined. Such a foundation enables the couple to weather challenges with grace and unity.

2. Aligning with God’s Design
   God designed marriage as a reflection of Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). When spouses embrace this divine purpose, they shift their focus from personal gain to selfless love and mutual respect. This eternal perspective reshapes how they handle conflicts, make decisions, and raise children.

3. Prioritising Faith Over Finances
   Many families are consumed by financial concerns—bills, loans, and material aspirations. However, when the family prioritises God, trusting Him as Jehovah Jireh (the Provider), anxiety over material needs diminishes. Philippians 4:19 reassures us that God will meet all our needs according to His riches in glory.

4. Teaching the Next Generation
   A family centred on the "one thing" naturally passes on its faith to the next generation. Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs parents to diligently teach their children about God, creating a legacy of faith that outlasts earthly possessions.

The Temporal "All These Things" in Marriage and Family

While "all these things" are not inherently bad, they become problematic when they take precedence over the "one thing." Temporal concerns—careers, possessions, social status, and even well-meaning efforts to provide for loved ones—can distract from the eternal. In marriage and family, this manifests in several ways:

1. Busyness Over Bonding
   Like Martha, many couples and families are busy with the "details" of life—careers, social obligations, and endless to-do lists. This busyness often leads to neglect of time spent together and, more importantly, with God.

2. Conflict Over Material Matters
   Financial disagreements are among the leading causes of marital strife. When "all these things" become the focus, priorities shift from unity and love to competition and stress.

3. Neglecting the Spiritual
   Families that prioritise worldly success often neglect spiritual growth. This creates a void in children’s understanding of faith, leaving them ill-equipped to navigate life’s challenges with a God-centred perspective.

4. Fragility in Trials
   When families are built around temporal priorities, they are more vulnerable to collapse under the weight of trials—loss of income, illness, or societal pressures.

Setting the "One Thing" Right: Transforming Marriage and Family

When the "one thing"—seeking God and His kingdom—is prioritised, "all these things" naturally align. This principle transforms marriages and families in several ways:

1. Unity in Purpose
   A shared focus on God creates unity in marriage. Couples become partners in a higher calling, working together to glorify God in their relationship and parenting. This shared purpose fosters deeper intimacy and trust.

2. Wisdom in Decision-Making
   Prioritising the eternal equips families with divine wisdom for decisions about finances, parenting, and lifestyle. Proverbs 3:5-6 promises that God will make paths straight for those who trust in Him.

3. Peace Amidst Uncertainty
   Focusing on the "one thing" brings peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). Families that trust God experience less anxiety about the future, knowing He is in control.

4. Strengthened Relationships
   When spouses and parents model Christlike love—sacrificial, forgiving, and patient—their relationships flourish. Children raised in such an environment are more likely to develop healthy, God-centred relationships themselves.

Practical Steps to Prioritise the "One Thing"

1. Start with Prayer
   Make prayer a daily habit as a couple and as a family. Pray for guidance, unity, and a heart focused on God.

2. Read Scripture Together
   Dedicate time to studying God’s Word together. Let it guide your decisions and inspire conversations about faith.

3. Simplify Life
   Identify and eliminate distractions that pull your focus from God. This might mean reducing commitments, setting boundaries on work, or simplifying your lifestyle.

4. Serve Together
   Engage in acts of service as a family, reflecting God’s love to others and fostering a spirit of humility and gratitude.

5. Model Faith
   Parents should model a life centred on God, showing children the joy and peace that come from seeking Him first.

Conclusion

The distinction between the "one thing" and "all these things" is a call to prioritise the eternal over the temporal. In marriage and family, this principle is transformative. A home centred on God experiences unity, peace, and purpose, while one consumed by worldly concerns risks division and instability.

When the "one thing" is set right, "all these things" fall into place—not because life becomes free of challenges, but because God’s presence and guidance provide the foundation for navigating them. By seeking His kingdom first, families can experience the fullness of His promise: that everything else will be added in its proper place.

Let us, therefore, choose the "one thing" that truly matters, allowing it to shape our marriages, families, and lives for His glory.