Using Freedom Wisely in Marriage

Freedom, a divine gift, shapes marriage and family. Responsible choices—like love, forgiveness, and commitment—build harmony, while selfishness harms. Rooted in Christ, families can reflect God’s design, using freedom to serve, strengthen relationships, and honour His will. 

Freedom is one of the greatest gifts God has given humanity, a truth evident from the very beginning. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were free to choose, even when God commanded them not to eat the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17). This divine gift of choice allowed for love, obedience, and meaningful relationships, but it also brought the possibility of sin and separation.

The Divine Gift of Freedom

God’s design of freedom allows every individual to make their own choices. Some choose to follow God wholeheartedly, while others reject Him. Some pursue righteousness, while others succumb to sin. In the context of marriage and family, this same freedom plays a pivotal role. We can choose to build relationships on love, respect, and understanding or allow selfishness, pride, and negligence to tear them apart.

Throughout Scripture, we see examples of how freedom is used. The blue whale, a majestic creature, chose to obey God when commanded to swallow Jonah and later release him (Jonah 1:17; 2:10). The worm that ate the vine shading Jonah (Jonah 4:7) and the lions in Daniel’s den that refrained from harming him (Daniel 6:22) also exercised their freedom in obedience to God's will. Contrast this with Jonah himself, who, as a prophet created in the image of God, chose to use his freedom to disobey and flee to Tarshish (Jonah 1:3).

The question for us is this: how do we use the freedom God has entrusted to us in our marriages and families?

Freedom in Marriage and Family

Marriage and family are foundational institutions where freedom can either strengthen bonds or create divisions. Every day, spouses and family members make countless choices, and these decisions profoundly impact the relationships within a household.

1. Freedom to Communicate
   We have the freedom to respond to disagreements in ways that build or break relationships. A husband or wife can choose to shout, allowing anger to dominate, or calmly and assertively communicate their conflicting opinions. Ephesians 4:26 reminds us, “In your anger do not sin.” Our freedom allows us to choose kindness and understanding over hurtful words.

2. Freedom to Forgive
   Marriage and family life are filled with moments of failure and disappointment. In these times, we can use our freedom to hold grudges or extend forgiveness. As Christ forgave us, we are called to forgive one another (Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring wrongs but choosing to let go of bitterness for the sake of love and unity.

3. Freedom to Serve
   Galatians 5:13 tells us, “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” In marriage and family, freedom is an opportunity to serve and love selflessly. A parent chooses to wake up at night to care for a crying child. A spouse sacrifices personal leisure to spend time with their partner. These small acts of service, born out of love, strengthen the family bond.

4. Freedom to Stay Committed
   Marriage involves a covenant, not merely a contract. Despite challenges, many couples choose to stay committed to their vows, reflecting the steadfast love of God. Romans 13:14 encourages us to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” This means choosing to uphold the sanctity of marriage even when temptations arise.

Choices Have Consequences

The freedom we exercise in marriage and family has long-term consequences. Just as Jonah’s choice to flee brought a storm and the intervention of God, poor choices in marriage—such as neglect, harsh words, or infidelity—can lead to turmoil. Conversely, choices rooted in love, respect, and obedience to God can bring peace and joy.

Freedom in marriage is not about doing whatever we please but about aligning our choices with God’s will. As 1 Corinthians 6:12 reminds us, “I have the right to do anything,” but not everything is beneficial. Exercising freedom responsibly involves discerning what strengthens relationships and honours God.

Biblical Encouragement for Using Freedom Wisely

1. Live as Free People
   “Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves” (1 Peter 2:16). In marriage and family, our freedom should be used to glorify God by fostering love, peace, and harmony.

2. Embrace the Spirit of Liberty
   True freedom is found in Christ. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). Families rooted in Christ can experience freedom from selfishness, bitterness, and discord, embracing instead the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

3. Hope in God’s Plan
   Even when choices lead to mistakes or hardships, God’s grace is sufficient. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared to the woman caught in adultery. “Go now and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). In marriage and family, God offers redemption and the opportunity to start anew.

Reflection Questions

• How do you use your freedom to build or harm your marriage and family relationships?

• In moments of conflict, do you choose to respond in love or allow anger to dictate your actions?

• How can you model Christ’s love and sacrifice in your choices?

Conclusion

Freedom is a gift that comes with responsibility. In marriage and family, how we use this freedom shapes the health and strength of our relationships. By choosing love, forgiveness, service, and commitment, we honour God and reflect His design for marriage and family.

As we exercise our freedom, let us be guided by the example of Christ, who used His freedom not for personal gain but to serve and redeem. In doing so, our marriages and families will become places where God’s love and grace are experienced and shared.