Author: Binny Abraham, PhD

I once spoke with a married couple who were both working long hours—each of them coming home exhausted. Their nights were restless: one spouse’s snoring disturbed the other; differences in preferred room temperature led to frequent arguments; schedules rarely aligned. After many sleepless nights and growing irritability, they decided (tentatively) to try sleeping in separate bedrooms for a few nights a week. The results were positive. Better sleep, fewer arguments, more kindness in the morning. They started looking forward to times together—the simple things: a cup of tea at dawn, shared prayer, conversation before setting out for the day. Over time, the rest improved their mood and restored a level of affection that had quietly slipped away through fatigue.

In a recent article in The Times of India, Vikram Vohra argued that “healthy Me time” through sleeping in separate bedrooms can benefit couples. One quote claims:

“Tired from long workdays, both wife and husband can benefit from some Me time. One can watch a movie, the other can read a book. He can turn down the AC, she can turn it up. Then they reunite refreshed.”

Another part of the article adds:

“Once the novelty of marriage fades and Cupid breaks a wing, maintaining the liaison is hard work, for both husband and wife. Running out of stamina often comes with the territory. And when this happens, separate bedrooms can bring tangible relief and other great benefits.”

There is some truth here: marriage does require intentional effort, and rest is essential. Physical disruptions at night can indeed affect the quality of love expressed during the day. Yet the suggestion that “Cupid breaks a wing” paints romance as fragile and temporary, something that inevitably dies out. The Bible presents a very different picture: love deepens over time, not merely survives. “Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8).

The article rightly highlights the value of relief, yet it risks framing withdrawal as a solution rather than urging reconciliation. Relief should not be confused with restoration. In fact, I know couples who retreat to separate bedrooms not for rest, but as a symptom of an unhealthy marriage. 

According to the Bible, from the beginning, marriage is presented as more than companionship—it is unity. “The two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). There’s a spiritual and emotional dimension to that oneness, not just physical closeness.

There is room in difficult seasons to protect rest temporarily, during seasons of stress or illness—especially when physical factors like snoring or mismatched schedules make sleeping together harmful. But Scripture calls couples to work through conflict, not avoid it. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). True intimacy requires effort. Even if physical closeness at night is limited, couples can take intentional steps: praying together, dining together, and creating meaningful time. “Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

The choice to sleep separately is unhealthy, if it is an excuse to avoid conflict, or makes one partner feel ignored, or causes emotional and spiritual intimacy to fade, and can do more harm than help. After all, marriage isn’t meant to avoid difficulty but to grow through it.

Separate bedrooms can sometimes bring tangible relief, but they should never become a substitute for relational effort. The Bible’s vision is not about giving up when “Cupid breaks a wing” but about pressing deeper into love that matures, strengthens, and reflects God’s faithful design.